GF Journal 7/1/2012

Day 20

Listen this video while you read. 

I’ve been re-arranging the furniture on this weekend of the very stressful week.  

To get motivated to clean out things, I’ve been watching Hoarders. (Judge me all you want but obviously people watch it enough for it to still be on TV). One thing I’ve really noticed is how victimized people are. Our country is full of victims. If I’m being honest with myself, I have a victim mentality too. I often find myself thinking ’ Oh, I only did that because I was hurt in my past’ or ‘I’m not going to be around people because this other person stabbed me in the back’. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be a proactive person that takes my hurts and times when I was a victim and be proactive. 

Being sick all the time has always been a sticking point for me. Especially not doing my best. God didn’t say ’ Do everything to the best of your abilities only when you feel happy and in perfect health’ he says: 

Colossions 3:22-25
^22-25Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.  

This week I’ve had to face myself. All the things I’ve been doing half way have caught up to me. Avoided feelings, work, and people.

I’ve started a new friendship that may go to more eventually, and I’ve realized that I haven’t had to create a new friendship in so long that I’m uncomfortable doing it. I usually just sit and wait for people to come to me, and if they don’t I let my sister draw them in. It works for me, but I shouldn’t be letting it be my only way for meeting people. I need to get outside of myself more and meet people, no matter how much I dislike them for the people that have hurt me in my past. I need to stop being the victim and start being proactive. 

I can apply this at work, I’ve only been doing as I’m told and not understanding what I’ve been doing. That really caught up to me this week. I was informed that I needed to do a presentation on it Friday in front of at least 20 people. That was super scary, seeing as I had NO IDEA about what I was doing. I didn’t even understand some of the basic science. The person in charge of overseeing me picked up on that and seemed to be disappointed in me all week. That is a horrible feeling, knowing that you’ve let someone down for something that you know you could have prevented. 

With everything that was changing and all the stress this week, a migraine was inevitable. It happened, and once again it threw the rest of my week out of sync. 

I was talking to a neighbor about how I went gluten free and they then asked how it had affected my migraines. When I realized that I had only had 3 aura’s and only one migraine from it in 2.5 weeks, I was flabbergasted.  I haven’t had a streak migraine-free since… high school over 4 years ago. (I just had to recount that because I still don’t believe it.). Maybe this will make things better. Even better than it has been. 

I’ve been behind on my food tracking because I let this week get the best of me. Tomorrow marks 3 weeks. I’m getting used to eating all gluten free and my friends are too. I made a gagillion more cupcakes this week based on the test batch I made last week, and apparently they turned out well. That’s right, I baked without tasting it as I went. It was really hard, but feeling good after I baked without being so tired or sick to my stomach felt amazing! All my neighbors loved the rest over cupcakes and were willing to take them off my hands. 

With that, I am going to get back to moving furnature and spraying for ants (oh yeah, I woke up Wednesday covered in welted over ant bites… stupid bugs). My spirits are better now then they have been in a very long time 

:D