GF journal Oct 28, 2012

Stress. Garg!

Panic attack about the future. Check

My life has been absolutely crazy lately

surgery during school week   check

big test tomorrow     check

And these are just the big 3 things. 

Just when you think life is getting stable, something happens and your whole life takes a turn around again. 

I expected the surgery I had, I was looking forward to it. And honestly, it helped with the pain tons and I’m already doing tons better, even though I’m still trying to get over the actual surgery aspect. Turns out I was right and my ovaries were cyst factories and I wasn’t being crazy with how much pain I was in, there was much more going on down there than the doctors believed. 

The test tomorrow? Yeah, prof announced it last Friday, after I had scheduled the surgery and everything. This is also the prof that said that unless it was a life threatening thing that I needed to plan it around class. I’m actually going to email him now and say that the surgery was more intense than the doc and I were expecting that that I’m still not recovered from it. Who knows. 

This whole thing leads me back to panicking about school. 

My theory up until now has been to grin and bear it. Wanting to be an engineering doesn’t mean I have to like everything leading up to it. This still holds, but going on 5 years of just making it through and I’m going crazy. My life goals seem to have shifted. 

1) God
2) Family
3) Health insurance
4) Traveling

So, next semester starts the shift to not only just finishing my engineering classes, but doing things that I enjoy, not just things that need to be done. It will be a change for sure. 

Everything changes, and I’m still not used to it.