Growing Up

I don't want to keep growing up. Last night at youth group was amazing. We talked about 1 Corinthians 7. It's all about marriage. Seeing that all the students that were in attendance were single, it might have digressed into what we should be looking for in a significant other. All summer I feel like I am being chased by the fact that I'm not dating anyone, or getting married right now. It seems like I'm the only single one around. Everyone has someone they're interested in, and pursuing, but then there's me.

I am not at a place to get married! I don't even want to date. My life is hectic enough without adding a emotional guy into the mix (apparently all the guys I attract are more emotional than me).

And, any girl that I know that is getting married suddenly seems to have no ambitions anymore. I don't know if that is due to getting married, the guy, or who they turned out to be.

Have you ever had to make the choice and walk away from a friend? Not a choice between friends, but just you and the friend. You decide to pull back and walk away. I've never walked away when I have had a choice. I'm what you would call a golden retriever. If I see anyway for a relationship to work, I try to work it out. This is the first time in my life I am walking away.

Not to make me sound callous, but there's only so much crap I can take from someone. I used to be able to take more crap, but then I became confident in myself, and realized that friends don't treat 'friends' like that. That's one the BF1 has thought me. Plus, I'm finally listening to the Bible on this. I count myself worth something. I deserve to be treated like a friend.

This 'friend' I was always there for her. Anytime she needed a fill in someone, I was there. Even if it wasn't the most convenient for me. Even if it costs me a lot of money ($200 bridesmaid's dress + gas for over 1000 miles driven).

Have you ever heard of an emotional vampire? They're friends that suck all the happy thoughts and feelings out of you till you feel like crap. Well, I've got a couple of those in my life. Maybe I should just step back.

Maybe I should take a semester off of my 'friends' and some people in my life. I would love to just disappear for a semester and see what becomes of it. See how much my 'friends' miss me. Maybe people will notice what I do. Maybe I'll actually be appreciated for something that I do.

I know I'm not supposed to do the right thing for gratification from humans, but it doesn't hurt.

Alright, time to go to bed and end this pity party. I mean, I'm growing up. This is real life now. So why does it feel like I'm back in High School?