Thursday, December 8, 2011

LittleMiss: Sugarland

Matthew 6:27-30
"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour of your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grasses of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you - you of little faith?"

Side note, I've been yelling at the TV. My dog is not amused.

Anyways, I can not tell you how many times I've read this passage. It popped up today because it was in a little devo book I keep in the bathroom... I was just glancing over it. What I caught was 'Can you make your life better by worrying? you of little faith'. Now I know that is not exactly what it says, but it got me thinking...
I worry, does that mean that I have little faith? I never want to be accused of having little faith. But even God says it here. When I worry, I have little to no faith in God for coming through when He has clearly stated that He will keep me safe...

Another side note: Ash would like me to mention our dog is super cute. Especially in his Christmas pajamas...

... He will keep me safe and will provide everything I need. Whether it is clothes, friends or love. I need to have faith in Him.

I want a faith that can never be called little.

Lori Wick is one of my favorite christian authors and I pulled this from one of her books awhile back, and I need to revisit this topic. I don't need to worry...

"Worry is a prideful thing. We want to be in charge, and when we can't be, we worry. We need to humble ourselves before God and let Him have His way. "




Sunday, November 27, 2011

StereoHearts: GymClassHeros

I've started attending a new church, don't remember if I'd mentioned it or not, fairly certain I have, anyways, it's worked out for the better.
Each week I've gone, I've been drawn some major point besides the outline.
Week 1: Be open to what the BIBLE says and not necessarily to doctrine or what I feel is right.
Week 2: This came from a praise song actually, God makes all things work together for my good (From 'Your love never fails' by Jesus Culture)
Week 3: worrying and holding grudges and allowing mistakes to become strongholds in your life.

So in a way, each week has prepared me for the next week. It's nice. Plus, at this new service, an older lady introduced herself to me and said that she'll see me next week. All of these combined make me want to go back. To have someone looking for me at church makes me want to keep going.

The main verses that touched me this last week during service:
2 Chronicles 32: 7-8
'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. with him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles'

Something pointed out is that God doesn't fight in the same realm that we are in. His ways are not ours. Thankfully. Our ways are CRAZY!!! I mean, we live in this country where we are free. I got even more disappointed in our society when I read an article about all the fights that broke out in WallyWorlds across the country on black Friday.
Anyways

Not much else going on in my life. Just trying to deal with insurance and medical appointments. I really hate not having my migraine medicine (the imatrex) because now I get migraines again! :( I also don't like how dependent on medicine I have become.

At least it's not as bad as my Coke addiction!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Fairytale: Alexander Rybak

Today's post is part medical update, and part 'last year at this time'.

Medical part:
I haven't heard back from any of my doctors, and Wednesday, I have my MRI for my head (because of the blind spot in my vision). I still have horrid pain in my side, which is really starting to make me mad. I had a migraine Friday, and I medicated for it with lovely codine, so it was mostly gone by Saturday. Although I took it easy the rest of the weekend.
I'm really nervous for this MRI, there's just this feeling that something is going to be terribly wrong. Last time I had an MRI they called me the next day and I was hospitalized until they could figure out what's up because my blood vessel were inflamed or something.

Last year at this time;
- Was enamored with this guy, who I haven't talked to since really
- Lived with my sister in the student ghetto area of ABQ
- Got a hamster for my birthday!! (Anerknerk)
- Was freaking out for finals, and passing Calc II.
- My mom was visiting because my sister had just had surgery on her kidney stones
- I was hanging with some people, who I no longer hang out with.
and I can't really remember anything else important.

It's amazing how much I think that every day is the most important day of ever and then you get to the next day, and it's more important. But a year later, I don't remember what days were good and which days were bad.

Today:
Nothing is really going on today, which is nice. I've talked to my sister and my mom and we're going to try me on a gluten free diet, mainly because I've changed most other things in my life to try and make my health better, but I have never taken gluten out. So now the journey begins of gluten free.
I was supposed to meet with my faculty adviser today so I can get all my school figured out. So I wanted to be prepared. To do this, I wrote out all the classes I need to graduate. When dong this, i figured out that I have 27 credits or so to take whatever I want in addition to my mandatory classes for this engineering classes and still keep full time student status. (This is due to me taking 2 more years to graduate than normal). A minor has about 21 credits, so I'm going to pick up a minor I think. At least I'm figuring all this out last night, in preparation for my meeting this morning. I picked criminology, I thought that would be cool. So I put those classes into my table (yes, I drew up a table with a timeline for each class and credits and whatnot). I went to meet this teacher at the time that we had agreed upon (11:30) and I even got there 10 min early. Then, a professor I have currently walked by looking for the professor that I was meeting. He went and found her and came back to report that she would be with me in 5 min.
....
....
....
....
....
at 12:10 I gave up waiting for her. I had waited 50 min for this 30 min meeting with her. Kinda angers me. It's not like I didn't have anything else to do, I took off my scheduled work for this.

This weekend, I wound up seeing Breaking dawn (the latest twilight movie instillation). I have to be honest, it was better than I thought it would be. I laughed though most of it. There were some parts that were ridiculous and I couldn't help but laugh. Other times, I was very mad. Not because of the movie, but because the person sitting behind me kept making phone calls. DURING THE MOVIE!! She didn't even try to keep her voice down. Then, after she was off the phone, the people she was sitting with would recap all that she just missed. Oh and the kid sitting in front of us fell off/out of his chair randomly and started wailing during the serious and quiet part where someone was pretending to die. I enjoyed the soundtrack more for this one that with 2 or 3, except for the Bruno Mars part. I really don't like his music.

All in all it was a good weekend, but I'm so excited for tomorrow to be over, I'm ready for Thanksgiving and all that jazz.

Oh!! And I've stated to go to a new church. Legacy Church has a branch campus right down the street from us. My sister and I tried it last weekend, and it was about speaking in tongues, which was kinda weird for me. I was brought up Lutheran and all that seems hokey to me. But I had told myself that I would keep my mind open and at least listen, then look up what I heard in the Bible. And I've decided I like it. There were refrences for everything. As i came out of that service, I realized a few things. I don't know everything there is to know about the Bible, far from it. So I should be willing to listen and learn even if it is about something that's out of my comfort zone. This is mostly because I believe in the BIBLE not in doctrine that I was taught at a young age. So I should seek what the Bible says on it all, not what my preconceived notions on what it should say. So, I'm going to keep going and trying it, and reading my Bible more to see what it says about life. I've fallen away from reading it too much lately and I miss it.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Illness

I've been having headaches most days this week and was super down yesterday, but that might have been more of a mood thing due to a bad test. Hopefully I can get through this weekend without a migraine.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Illness

My migraine has gone away slightly, enough I can tough it through the day.  My abdomen really hurts again though. This is all so maddening. I have an MRI of my head scheduled for next Thursday,  but I just realized that I have a differential equations test that same time. So needing to switch that MRI.  Hopefully there will be an appointment that's not weeks and weeks away.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Illness

I have a migraine again. Hydrocodone hasn't even touched it. I miss the imatrex. I would take some, but the dr is worried about me having a stroke, that and I want to keep the vision I have left.
Really loving my bed today but stressing over homework.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Illness

I had the colonoscopy this past week. They found nothing wrong. Which is both good and bad. Good because there's nothing wrong with my colon, bad because we don't know what's causing my pain.

Today the pain is fairly bad, I'm nauseous and just want to curl up and sleep.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Illness

So, anything labeled illness, pertains to what I'm doing and feeling everyday. So it's easier for people to follow just my health and not necessarily everything else.

Today is 2 days before my colonoscopy. Semi-restricted diet starts today. Blah. I already messed up though. I'm not supposed to eat nuts, and I ate a Hershey's kiss with almonds... whoops. I'm fairly certain when I admit my mistake to the nurse, they'll chuckle.

I actually started to eat non chemically foods. Which means organic and not so processed. No more easy lunches of frozen dinners. But I'm hoping that this will help my migraines more now that I don't have the medication to control them as much.


Friday, October 28, 2011

Blah Blah Blah: ke$ha

Revelations 3:19 "I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference."


I get a bible verse from a Christian Radio station everyday, and somehow it always seems to apply to a problem that I'm facing. And today it fit that problem perfectly.
2ith all the illness going on, I've stopped caring. I've turned my life on auto-pilot and I'm just trying to get through it. This verse seemed to call out to me. 'Whitney, the indifference you feel... yeah, cut it out.'

It felt like it cut me to the core. Why am I letting myself feel indifferent? God is holding me in his hands right now and I should be so excited that He knows that with His help, I can handle what I'm going through. He didn't give me these trial for me to just get through, but for me to grow closer to Him with. Anyone can 'get through it' but only with His love can they grow in it and shine His love.

When I googled the verse (I hate to admit it but I didn't look at a Bible because I didn't have one on me) and it gave me a bunch of verse versions. Most other versions had zealous and repent. I'm usually a stickler for more traditional versions of the bible, but sometimes you just need it spelled out plainly. Hence why I have a message version.

My goal this week is to not only diligent but not to be indifferent.


I talked to the professor in Biomolecular Engineering today. And he told me that I'm doing fine in everything, just to keep going. I told him that I finally got my care back. He smiled and said 'That's good'. Just that little smile and to know that this teacher really does care about how I'm doing and what's going on in my life has made my day better. Gives me hope on what's going on.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Sick and tired if being sick and tired

I thought the pain in my abdomen was finally going away so I got to do a bunch of stuff at work. It felt great to do something productive. Now it hurts a bunch again, for a second there I thought it was starting to get better.

Illness

Today I had my CT scan with contrasts and I managed to keep the oral contrast down this time!
Finally semi vertical after the killer migraine I had yesterday and Tuesday.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Illness pt 2

Woke up with a killer migraine for the 2nd day in a row. And I'm running out of pain killers :$

Not looking forward to the CT scan. Rather not looking forward to the contrast that I have to drink. Last time I had this contrast I was super nauseous from it.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Illness pt 1

Hello everyone! In order to get everyone apprised of what is going on with me, I thought I'd post it on my blog and let everyone read up on it if they so choose.

So! just to get everyone up to par, I thought I'd just summarize everything now and then just post updates as everything goes on. Test results, Dr appoints and such.

Week 1 Originally, I thought all of this was just an ovarian cyst so I put it off for awhile. Then it got to be too much and I had suffered though my tests so I went to an urgent care clinic Monday morning and got an appointment with an OB-GYN the next day. And some pain medications... Tuesday: I had an appointment with the OB-GYN and she set up an Ultrasound for the next day. Wednesday: Ultrasound, but the Tech wouldn't tell me anything. Then Friday: I missed an appointment with my Neurologist because they changed addresses across town and didn't let me know.

Week 2: Monday brought another OB-GYN appointment for me. With that brought the news that I did have a large hemorrhagic cyst on my right ovary but it had burst. Also, although this would cause me pain, it wouldn't cause the amount of pain that I was in. So I got set up with a GI specialist and a general surgeon.

Now I don't remember the dates and I'm too lazy to look them up so I'm just going to go with what I remember as the correct timeline

I went to the GI guy, and he said something about Crohns disease, which is where your immune system attacks your large intestine or something like that. So I have a colonoscopy scheduled

Then I had an appointment with general surgery and the nice Dr that told me there are only 3 things that could be wrong in that particular region. Ovaries, GI something that general surgery can deal with.

Oh, and on top of all of this, that blind spot the eye Dr saw this summer? Turned out to be a big thing. They just messed up all the migraine meds it took me years to figure out how to use to the best for me and stopped most of my migraines. Because my meds stopped, my headaches are back. So pain meds for that.

So, next on my list of appointments. This Thursday I have a CT. Next Wednesday I have the colonoscopy. and the MRI date is TBA unfortunately.

-Whit

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Our God : Chris Tomlin

So.
1) I'm super sick
2) I'm walking into a test knowing I don't have a chance
3) I'm super behind on homework

Thank goodness God still loves me and has this in his plan for me

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Blackbird: Sarah McLachlan

So. I'm scared stiff.

For the past week, I've been super drugged and having to miss school due to major pain. I think it's an ovarian cyst. Although I've had trouble finding a doctor to deal with it, and then they ordered all these tests but I won't know the answers until tomorrow morning. And I'm really scared. Really scared. Not only am I dealing with ovary pain, but I have to go to the neurologist this week to talk to him about the blind spot that the optometrist found that is due to my brain. Then I have a test Wednesday in a class I have not been able to go to the class for a week. Right after the test, I go to Hartford for a conference over fall break, which means I give up my break to do some more school, but not school enough to do all the homework I've missed. then the next weekend, I go to... oh yeah, Houston to a cousins wedding. Oh goodness. So much stress. I've actually started to get some heartburn again :(

I know God has me, but I'm scarred.

oh, and I found a weird bruise feeling on the back of my scalp along with a new bump on my skull. Weird.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Becoming who you are: Mainstays

So, this week was full. But I'd like to think I've gotten the hang of my schedule. It only took 6 weeks.

I had three tests this week. One each in Diff Eq, Numerical analysis and transport. Needless to say I have been studying constantly for a week. I'm finally done, for tonight. So tonight, I have time to think. Time to breathe.

So what did I do? Assemble kits for middle schoolers with the BioMedical engineering Society. And you know what? It was fun. And I've realized how much more I fit in here than I do in any other classes. Its easy to talk to these people.


And I just found this post that I never finished. I don't quite remember what I was getting at either. LOL.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Carry me though: Superchick

So, forgot to let you know that there is something wrong with me. At the eye doctor this summer, they found a blind spot. But there was a chance that the test was wrong. So I finally went back for a different test that is better. And it turns out the test was correct, and the blind spot had gotten even bigger, and that it's not caused by my eyes. So it's all in my head. So again, back to problems with migraines. Something else to face.... blarg.

Set Fire to the Rain : Adele

What a week this has been, and next week is going to be much much worse.

Engineering is kicking my butt. Coke has become my major vice. So have mindless romance novels. I try to pick ones that do not involve much sex but sometimes, the kindle free ones are hard to judge until you are into them to much.

I fell like I should feel bad for reading these books. Like I'm somehow trying to fulfill some emotional need. I don't think that's what I'm doing though. I feel like I'm using it as an escape, not a replacement. An escape from the computer coding, from the endless homework. It's an escape from reality, not a fulfillment of an emotional need.

I can go without them, it just gets me farther behind in my homework to read other books, because I don't know how they end and will read them when I'm not supposed to be.

Life truly is complicated. Especially if you're trying to be Christ-like.

You know that girl that I've been ragging on for over a year. The one that hurt me and is now pregnant? I have this feeling like I need to apoligise. For talking bad about her those few times I let people pull me into gossiping, even if I felt it was just talking to a close friend about it. Now all my friends keep tabs on what's going on, feeling like they're helping me. Then they let me know what's going on. I don't want to know. I finally want to just walk away from it all. I realize now how messed up I've made it all. And yes, she just keeps appearing in my life, but it's my choice how I react to it all. Plus, I kinda feel for her.

In other news, the crazy other Whitney I work with made a dig at homeschooling yesterday, and when I said, what the heck, she stood by her point. It was horrible. It's so hard to not be a biotch to her. But I know I shouldn't. She is honestly pissing off everyone around though, not just me. I just have to tough it out. Our schedules worked out so that I only work with her once a week. But believe me, once a week is enough.

Med school students are absolutely crazy this semester, more than normal. I mean, who turns in their study aid an hour after they take it out and before they have the test? It's been an interesting class.

Next week I have 3 tests and 3 home-works at least. I'm no ready for it. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for those tests. But I must attempt it.

Do everything without complaining or arguing... Phil 2:14.

Here we go. If God is for us, who can be against us.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Pictures from the summer










Bring It -Cobra Starship

So, this week at school has been weird and horribly full. Good, but very full. I got to see friends that I had that moved on to their senior year while I stayed back a year. It was nice to be able to talk to them. It really made me realize what I've been missing for awhile. Not necessarily good friends, but people I feel comfortable talking to.
This guy Darhma and I had a good conversation while running samples through in lab for hours. And we've come to the conclusion that life isn't as full of choices, when you turn your emotions off. Yes, you read that right. Once you get into harder classes, you have no choices. You don't get to decide on whether or not you go to class, or if you want to do the homework, whether half butted or not. Your choice was 'I want to be an engineer' Once you get to these classes, you just turn off your mind of making choices, and all you think about is how you are going to get what you need to get done done.
Take this week for example. I spent from 5-12 Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday studying and doing homework. Not to mention working through my breaks, and getting up every morning at 6 to get more done before I headed to work.
It didn't kill me. I like to think I didn't complain much. I just did it. I did it because I've decided what I want to do and who I want to start to be. I've gone after it.

Psalms 138:8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures
forever--do not abandon the works of your hands.

Here I go again

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Someone Like You - Adele

What a week.

-My old computer was finally deemed too old. That is to say, I finally figured out that I needed to update it. This was decided after it took 10 min to open a MatLab file. Yeah, considering almost all my homework is on matlab, livemath, or excel, I need a computer that works and won't take forever to do what I need to. So I researched, and went to best buy, then was told I needed to look at this particular pc, after a mac/pc debate with the cute sales guy, I picked up a computer that was on a school sale for $450. I decided to go ahead and get the one that had already been installed and had it's backup discs made. That was an extra $100. But I came home with a laptop and I've been messing with it all day setting it up and getting programs downloaded. Yay!

-Someone got pregnant. Do you guys remember last summer how a close friend of mine randomly stopped talking to me? I was really upset about this and have been trying to get over it, forgive and forget. It's been super rough because I'm so tired of opening myself up to people and being stabbed in the back. Anyways, she stared medical school and is now at my work everyday. Not a big deal, I've been able to avoid her and thoughts of her. Well, this past spring she got married to her bf that she's know since last July, and was engaged on her graduation day, then was married 3 weeks later. Now she's in her 2nd trimester. I'm torn because I'm kinda feeling like 'karma' has gotten her, but I know it's wrong for me to feel like that. I honestly just want to forget it all happened. But every time I try to, people bring her up. I guess it's life.

Other than those two things, I just had tons and tons of school work and homework. Oh yeah, my sister hurt her foot and she's on crutches. Joy.

Life is hard, but totally worth it.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Beautiful Things: Gungor

How I made it through this week is miraculous.

I got home from Italy last Saturday morning. By morning I mean that my flight that was supposed to arrive at 11PM was delayed and we didn't arrive from Dallas until 2 AM. So I got home and crashed. My sister and my wonderful doggie picked me up. It was wonderful to see how much Melano missed me. I missed him terribly.

If you're interested in how my Italy trip went, it's http://carpediemwmg.blogspot.com/

Well, anyways. Beautiful things.

This week was full of beautiful things, even though this week was completely overwhelming. I started my 4th year, Junior level classes in Bio-Engineering. I'm so suprised I made it though! I was exhausted the whole time, and already bogged down with homework and reading. The most frustrating part was when I figured out almost all my classes involve computer programs. Not only computer programs, but almost all the homework for every class is on Excel, MatLab, and Aspen (ChemE program).

If you've read this for any sort of time, you'll know computers and I do not get along. Not in any way.

I also was asked to step up from being Treasurer of a society that I'm in to president. I really thought about it, and prayed about it and then decided to tell them, yes, I will do it. So I'm fairly certain I'm now the president of BMES (Bio-Medical Engineering Society). Which surprises me because I went to one meeting as treasurer and have no idea what is going on with this thing. Always a good position to be in. I'm thinking of asking our faculty adviser who the president before S. was so I can email them and get SOME idea what is going on.

I'm so not ready for this school year. But here it is. I was talking with a good friend about whether or not I should even consider taking the president position and we had a wonderful conversation about the world.

She helped me realize how much God is going to help me this year. I can totally ask for help with all my scheduling woes, my horrible procrastination habit, and all my schoolwork. He made them.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters." Genesis 1:1-2

This totally means God created Transport phenomenon and Numerical Analysis and Ordinary Differential Equations.

Everything God created was good right? Going with this line of thought, you have to come to the conclusion that all my homework is good. (i don't want to believe that but I do, just because I don't like something doesn't mean that it is not true.)

Well, God created it, He's going to have to really help me with my understanding of parts of it.

Once you look back, you really do see how beautifully put together the world is. How amazing it is to have everything working together in tandem and working mostly without going wrong (until humans mess it up).

I pray I can keep it together through the semester. But I know this is only possible with GOD!!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

We R Who We R - Ke$ha

I found this article that I though I'd share with everyone. It doesn't just need to be addressed to 18 year olds. Heck, I'm 20 and I'm glad to read this article. Even if it just affirms what I've been doing in college.



Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Eighteen





Commit yourself to making a lot of mistakes
Find hard work you love doing
Invest time, energy, and money in yourself every day
Explore new ideas and opportunities often
When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less
People are not mind readers. Tell them what you’re thinking
Make swift decisions and take immediate action
Accept and embrace change
Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you
Always be honest with yourself and others
Talk to lots of people in college and early on in your career
Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day
Ask a lot of questions
Exploit the resources you do have access to
Live below your means
Be respectful of others and make them feel good
Excel at what you do
Be who you were born to be

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Some Beach - Blake Shelton

Oh goodness. Life is crazy!!

I'm starting to freak out about my final for Ochem 2 that I have Thursday. I have no motivation to do my math homework because I've figured out that there is no way to complete the program this week, and I have the OChem final to worry about already.
School starts a few days after I get back from Italy so I've been dealing trying to get my scholarship reinstated for this fall, because I lost it after not having enough credit hours in the spring, which I've made up for this past summer with Calc II and Ochem II. Nonetheless, it's more stress for me.

On the bright side, Melano is graduating from his intermediate obedience class this Saturday :) We will be taking the advanced course starting in late august, or around there.

I really like my dog trainer, but she's kinda weird sometimes. I don't know what it is about my sister and I, but somehow everyone we both meet winds up telling us their life story, or at least the drama in their lives and at their work. It's like that with my boss too. I don't know what it is. Although, neither of us has super close friends outside of each other. Our dog trainer actually gave me her number because I mentioned that I'm closest with my parents and hang out with my sister the most. I don't know why that was taken in a bad way. Is it really so bad to have your family as your closest friends to?

There's a saying ' you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends'. It's weird, in high school, I used to love this saying, I couldn't find a way to get along with my family. I had friends I trusted (mostly). It truly is crazy how much things change in such relatively short time. Now I love my family, and don't have many friends I trust. I trust my family with everything, especially my sister. She gets me so well, I guess she always has. The main difference between us now, is that as well as we have known each other, we used to try to push each others buttons instead of calm each other down. Now we work together to keep each other sane, not drive the other one crazy.

And amazingly, I attribute all of my closeness with my family to an ex that I have that broke my heart, and only having my family to lean on as I put it back together. I don't know if I would ever trade anything for the relationship that I have with my family now.

On another note, med school starts up soon. I remember writing a post about how glad I was that I was being paid to be at orientation and that I wasn't paying to be bored to death. Well, this year, it won't even be like that. They're messing with the schedule that they've used for years, which kinda messes up what my guy boss says during it all, which is kinda important. Anyway, everyone gets kinda upset and testy because of it and everything else that is going on. Between that and school and getting ready for Italy, I've kinda shut out the world. It's kinda nice.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

With you around - Yellowcard

So, How is your life going? Does anyone actually read this?

Yeah, I don't know if I care if this is even being read, just that I'm writing it. Don't artists feel that way? I'm definitely not an artist so I wouldn't know that.

Although... my Organic Chemistry 2 notes are looking more like art than chemistry. All those lines and O's. It is truly looking like another language.
June 29th marks a year writing this blog. Thinking back to where I was a year ago, it amazes me how much has changed in my life.
A year ago, I was sitting on my couch in a not so nice neighborhood trying to think of a way to avoid Calculus II homework, so I started this blog. I'm not going to lie and say it's changed my life so much I could never live without it. Because a blog hasn't changed my life that much. I've been writing in a journal for years. Blogging has just kinda taken over my journal, making it more accessible from all places I am without getting weird looks for writing in a book.
My life has changed. A year ago, I was preparing to be a friends wedding. Getting those fake nails, meeting all the relatives. Yeah, and now I haven't talked to her since the day before the wedding really. My 'best' friend from a year ago, I haven't talked to in... forever, she dropped me like a hot potato, and now she is married... The guy I liked, lives in Sweden and plans on staying there. The guy I dated in 2010, went out with him recently and actually used the phrase 'free meal'. I got the most amazing dog, Melano, and have a super close relationship with my sister and my family. I still work at the same place, and I'm still taking Calc II.

I'm closer to God than I was. And I'm more grown up, or at least have more responsibilities than I had. I'm proud of how far I have come and where I am going.

Oh, and I'm getting a deathly hollows tattoo this summer :) woot!!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Teenage Dream-Tylar Ward

Have you ever notice how covers of some songs are MUCH better than the original songs? I have a ton of covers. Pop, Punk, Top hits, 80's, orchestral and much more. I have at least 2 playlists on my mp3 player devoted to covers. This is popping into my head thanks to the Glee station I'm listening to on Pandora.

Do you try to 'cover' someone else's life or actions by redoing the original thing with your version of it? I hate to admit it, but sometimes it seems like all I do sometimes is 'covers' of other's actions and words. I quote movies instead of coming up with something original and funny to say. I copy pranks, and I sing other's songs all time.

The more I think how much I copy others, I wonder who I actually am. Am I funny without other people's words? Am I serious student without my parent's ambition behind me? Don't get my wrong, I love who I am now, but it would be interesting to see who I was without all these 'covers' in my life.

Then again, sometimes the covers are truly better.

Who are you 'covering'?


Romans 12:2: Do not conform any longer to the patters of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Candles-HeyMonday

Everyone around me seems to be getting married. Just from my old sorority there have been 4 weddings so far this summer. That's not counting people I know from outside the sorority (3) and then I went to a Yellowcard concert Tuesday and the singer from RunnerRunner (the band that played first) played the song he wrote for his fiancee` to walk down to the aisle.

It just seems that everyone is getting married and moving forward with their life, and here I am, still just working and going to school. In the fall I start my fourth year of college, not counting the college class I took during high school. If it was my fourth and last year, I think it would be a different matter all together, but it's my fourth out of six years. I mean, I'll come out with a masters degree (which is what I console myself with), but it still feels like my life is at a standstill. Especially because I am retaking some classes I didn't pass within the last year this summer.

I'm still loving my job, and my boss just went on vacation for 2 weeks, so that puts me as the main person for my duties. I'm excited about that, the time that I did things by myself went well last summer, we used what I worked on just a few weeks ago and they worked out well. If it's vague, it's because I assume most people are squeamish.

Medical school is starting to gear up, so we're going to be getting everything ready for that, but most of the preparation for SOM will take place during July. I'm glad i will be gone for the start of med school in August, I don't want to deal with all the drama that med school students bring. Where I work is their first 'block' (10 week class) in med school all around, so everyone is on edge, especially with all the... people.. that they work with.

I was asked by a high school friend to lunch last week. He used to be a really good friend, and he was up here for a wedding (surprise!!). All he talked about at lunch was himself and his friends that were getting married. I must say when I got back from lunch, and my sister asked me how it went, it was the first time I used the term 'Free Lunch'. On the bright side, it was wonderful, non-healthy new mexican food. Yum green chili.

I had an opthamology appointment this week, I hate the appointment, but since Melano chewed up the ear pieces on my last pair I was excited to get new glasses. I get to the eye doctor and was instructed to take out my contacts and sit at some machines so that they could look at all aspects of my eye. This is always kinda stressful for me because I am always scared that i will wind up with the wrong prescription for the next year. Because of my migraines and health issues, they always have to look into my eyes and assess everything. These appointments usually take awhile for me, and I come out with a headache from the different prescriptions I tried out. I sat down at one of the tests, and watched a center 'square' (or so they told me that is what it was, I couldn't exactly see it) and watched for squiggly lines to pop up and I would push a button. I did this test on both eyes, then they repeated the tests. I was escorted back to a room, told by the Dr to stop over analyzing it, and then asked to repeat the test again. By then I was a little worried, but what would I be able to do about it? Unlike school, you cannot study for these tests. After the printout of the test came back, I was escorted back to a room where the Dr was, and he explained that I have a blind spot in my vision. And that this blind spot could just be the test messing up, or my migraines having a larger influence on my vision that we had expected. Long story short, I get to have a retest in awhile.
Everyone that I have told this to, tells me that I am very calm. I politely respond 'What good would hysterics and stress do at this point?' I attribute this attitude and peace to God, who has kept me going this week.

Another thing that happened, I was dropped out of my Organic Chemistry 2 class that I am taking over the summer. I found this out when I went up to get my test from my teacher yesterday and he didn't have it, saying I wasn't on a list... So now I'm spending a lot of time jumping through hoops to get back into the class and get all of the ensuing drama under control.

Other than that, life is fairly normal. I'm busy at work, consume my extra time with reading or the latest TV show that I have found, and keep pressing on. I know God has my path laid out, and I am so thankful that He does, but I guess sometimes I just get antsy waiting for his divine timing.

-Whit

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Letter writing

Day 9. A person you would like to meet.

I would love to meet my dead relatives... great great grandmother, or father. the ones that came through Ellis Island, someone who was in world war II. Or even my Grandma Jean. They all have been through so much, and I could learn so much from them. Even some of the people that I run across at work. They all seem like interesting people. It's a shame that all of their lives have stories that someone would find interesting. I feel like it's a shame that they all had to pass without anyone knowing what their biggest drama in their teenage years was. If I could write to any of them, I would ask what they would have to say to this generation, whose biggest problem is who slept with whom. I would ask what they thought of 2011, and if it came about like they thought it would. There is so much that we could learn from the past, if only we listened to what happened in the past.


Day 10 (it just hit a new day on the east coast, it counts)

Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to.

Dear Emily.
I know I don't write back as promptly as I should. As promptly as I would like. You understand me so much more than I understand myself. And it's scary. I also am so scared that I am unable to show you the love that I have in the Lord. And that one day, I'm going to find myself in heaven without you. Without my best friend. I know that we can't stand each other if we're around each other too much. But that just is us. I wish we could live in the same city, country, anything like that...
I'm also kinda jealous of how easily you get dates with guys... but you know that...
I love you. you are a wonderful friend and I am so thankful that even through all this space and all this time, we still understand each other through a few emails a season.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

when?

When did we become to old to stare out the window in a restraunt and make up a song as we sing it?
When did we become to old to think naps are horrible?
When did we become to old to think of others before ourselves?
When did we become to old to play pretend and have an imaginary world?
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Thursday, April 7, 2011

yippie!!

My boss rocks. I get into work today and find this dancing solar powered flowe in a duck head at my cubical. Makes this long, full day at work worth it!!... almost lol
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

jackalope

Jackalopes, only in New Mexico
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Zach and Dogs

I went home for spring break and I took Melano to meet my family and Jasper. Both of them loved to sleep with my brother!
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Melano at pond

Melano and I waiting at the duck pond for Ashleys class to get out.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Melano

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

YourFavoriteInternetFriend

RUDY!!!!
Thank you so much for loving me no matter what.
Thank you for sticking with me through all the drama, and for not believing all the crap said about me.
Thank you for taking time to show me how being myself is acceptable and that people will love me for it. One day...
I love you!
~Whitbit

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Dear Ex

I've only ever had 5 ex anythings. 2 ex boys, and 3 ex crushes/ almost boyfriends. and one of the ex boys was a fiancee` at one point.

I can honestly say that I am glad that they are all ex's.
But, I'll write to the one that broke me

Dear Douche bag, Seriously?! I waited for you to get out of Iraq and you break up with me over facebook the Monday morning of finals week?! And if that's not bad enough, you got married 2 months later. I was crushed. You had 3 years of my life, and we had all these dreams, and you threw them away.

But honestly, I'm so glad you did. I mean, it hurt, but through it I was able to relate and talk to so many girls about boyfriend issues. Through it, I was able to see what kind of guy I deserve. Through it, I became closer to God. And, because of it, I don't live in podunk South Dakota popping out your kids and having to put up with your crap for the rest of my life.
Thank you for showing me that I worth so much more than what you ever gave me. And for showing me that the guy you are is not even 1/4 what I deserve.
Sincerely, Whit

Monday, March 7, 2011

AStranger

Tonights letter is to a stranger.
But first, a rant about my sister. She's 'sick' I don't care if she's sick, i'll help her. but when she feels well, all i ask is that she pick up her room!!! melano keeps getting into stuff and she gets upset about it. and blah!!!! i was looking forward to not having to live with her crap anymore, but she's apparently not graduating this year... so another year with her. poo.

Dear Stranger,
I'm glad that my sister sat next to you at the dollar theater showing of Harry Potter last week. The way you turned the whole thing into a political satire was very funny. The fact that you laughed at the doughnut holes and cokes that we brought made it even better. Thanks for making our day a little bit brighter.
Sincerly, Whitney

Thursday, March 3, 2011

YourDreams

Back to writing the letters. This is much more fun and informative than I thought it would be.

Dear Dreams,
I have so many of you, I don't know how to choose! I just keep waiting around and hoping the right one will happen to me as I'm living life. At the same time, I have so few dreams. I keep thinking that if I dream of it, it will never come true.I know that sounds hokey, but in my experience, that's what's happened. I dream of having a happy life, a husband, kids, a dog, graduating school. But no specifics. I can't wait until my dreams start to come true. Then I'll have room to make more dreams :)
-Whit

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

47 Questions

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1) How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
That depends, sometimes I would think of myself as a little kid, and others, I would think I'm middle aged.

2) Which is worse, failing or never trying?
If you never try, you never fail. But if you never try, you never go anywhere. So I guess never trying would be worse. Someone needs to remind me of this next time I fail.

3) If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
We do things we don't like so that we can do the things we do like. Life is kinda like doing your chores when you were younger, the faster you do the dishes, the sooner you can go outside and play. The mistake that some people make is making life about the chores, and not about playing.

4) When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
I really hope not. But if I have said more, I hope that my actions have at least spoken louder than my words.

5)What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Prejudice. Not just about race, or ethnicity, but also age, money, cliques or anything. I don't want to say that everyone needs to get along, but sometimes, the best you can do is accept what others are doing, even if you don't agree with it. People value their freedoms so much, but do they ever stop to think about the freedoms of the person next to them?

6)If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Being an engineer, or owning my own business, maybe owning a funeral home... the world is full of possibilities.

7)Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
Right now, I'm doing what I believe in. I believe that you NEED a college education, how and when I get that degree is still unseen, but I'll get there eventually.

8)If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
Marriage would be higher on my priority list. And Kids would be up there. I would like to see my grandchildren before I die.

9)To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I hope not controlled, just steered it. Ever choice I make affects my life. So, in that sense I've steered it a lot.

10) Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing things right. I assume I'm doing the right thing.

11) You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
Ask why they said that, and give them the what-are-you-thinking look.

12) If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Your parents are actually right most of the time, but don't let them control you. Sometimes people need to make their own mistakes.
13) Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Speed? yes. Kill someone? No. Harbor a fugitive? No. So I will break a 'minor' law, but nothing big.

14) Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
Yes! Just ask Elise...

15) What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
Obsess. I obsess about the weirdest things and in the weirdest ways.

16) How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because I am not everyone else.

17) What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Fall Madly in love and get married and have kids. It's not the time for it in my life, and I don't have a guy.... that guy part is kinda key...

18) Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
Yeah, anger at some people that have hurt me over the years.

19) If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
Australia or Oregon. Because it would be an adventure (AUS) and because my parents live there, it would nice to live a little closer.

20) Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No, and No, it doesn't make the elevator go faster.

21) Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Joyful simpleton all the way! You can't be happy if you're worried about everything, but you can be worried, even if you're a simpleton.

22)Why are you, you?
Because I choose to be me. No matter how weird I am,how diverse my music taste is, what I want to be when I grow up, how I act around others, what things I value in my life, how I treat those around me, bow I try to keep my anger in check, how I do my work, what shows I like. There is so much more! But mostly God makes me me.

23) Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Definitely. I want a friend that doesn't flake, and that will be there for me no matter what. A friend that would go out of the way to help me. A friend that is thoughtful of what I'm feeling and how my day was.

24) Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Loosing touch with a good friend. If a friend moves away, you can still talk to them, but if you fall away from a friend, even if they are right nearby, you loose that person to talk to.

25) What are you most grateful for?
My God and Family

26) Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
I would rather loose all the old memories, because eventually your new memories will take their place. But if you never made new memories, you would never remember what happened yesterday, even if you would rather remember what is going on with you right now rather than what happened that embarrassing day at school.

27)Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
No, you don't KNOW anything unless you've tested it.

28)Has your greatest fear ever come true?
No, and I don't ever think I will put myself in a position for it to come true.

29) Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
Right about this time 5 years ago, I lost a good friend because she made me choose between her and my boyfriend. It took me awhile to remember it... It only matters now because it has become part of who I am and why I do things the way that I do.

30) What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Pulling Big Bear off the trail when we went backpacking at three rivers with just my family. It's special because that's one of the only backpacking trips I remember with my mom. I don't remember any big fights, and it was beautiful. The weather was super nice too. I guess I was about 6 or 7.

31) At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
If not now, then when? If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
A couple years ago in the rain forest of Washington up near Forks.

32) Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
Absolutely!

33) Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
I believe it's because they love the love they've found they think that everyone else should have it, even if they don't want it. That's when they try to force it on other people.

34) Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
Yes, if it is saying something contradictory to what the Bible has laid out, it is evil.

35) If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
No, I don't have to be here now, but I want to be.

36) Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I like doing.

37) Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
No, because my coke exploded in my backpack and wrecked my ochem book then I stepped into gum. That was definitely not a daily occurance.

38) When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
When I told my parents I was going to marry Bryce H.

39) If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Family, extended family, Ashley S. Bryce, Emily.

40) Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Absolutely not.

41) What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is just doing what you need to get by, truly living is enjoying each day.

42) When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
When you have nothing to lose or you believe in the right thing so much you don't calculate to begin with, you just do it.

43) If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
I feel like when I make a mistake, everyone looks down on me and thinks less of me.

44) What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I probably wouldn't be as shy.

45) When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
This morning, my nose is stuffy and it was whistling a little.

46) What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love nature, and my family, and Melano. And yes, I tell them all every time I talk to them, and I try to do little things that I know will brighten up their day.

46) In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
I won't remember each day, but I'll remembered failing that test last week and maybe how sick I was...

47) Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
Ponder that.

Monday, February 28, 2011

YourSibling

So, I was actually going to start this post with a complaint and rant about my sister. Then I looked at what the letter to write today was, and as God would have it, the letter today is to my sibling. So... I'm going to write a letter to my sister.

Dear Ashley,
WTF. I did not get married. I am not married to you. I know I'm the responsible one. But I'm tired of playing your mother/spouse! You don't do ONE THING unless it benefits you, or your friends. Then, when I treat you like you're acting, which this week is apparently condescending, you blow up at me. I treat you like a child, because you act like a child. You don't eat right, you forget everything, even when it's for you. Like your medicine. Plus, you don't eat right. If you ate right, or at least better, and took your medicine, maybe you wouldn't be supper pissy because you don't feel good. EVERYDAY. I've stopped trying to make it better. I'm tired of caring about you and trying to help you if you won't help yourself. Just like with Melano. I'm done chasing him around the house to get back your stuff because you leave it on the floor to be found by him. If you don't try to take your stuff away from him, I'm not going to save it. That's how it is with you. You are a wonderful person, and I love you. I understand that I have a lot of faults too, but I try to fix it when it's wrong. I'm just tired of it. As far as I'm concerned, Spring break and time away from you can't come soon enough. Oh, and this brings me to another thing. If you can't remember to eat, or take your medicine, how can I believe that you're going to take care of Melano when I'm away?
I really do love you,I'm just tired of your bull.
-Whit

Sunday, February 27, 2011

YourParents

Day 3 of the letter writing.

Hey mom and dad,
Thank you so much for being wonderful. Dad, thank you for leaving important meetings to take my stupid calls. Mom, thanks for always remembering to ask how I'm feeling and if I remembered to eat today. You guys are awesome. You have both made me into the person I am today. Thank you for sticking with me through the bad choices in relationships and all the drama during my high school years. I know I have let you down, thanks for not throwing it in my face when everything blew up. Thank you for paying for a trip home when I don't have the money to but need to see you. You guys are awesome. I am so thankful for my hard times in life because I have been able to become close to you through it. Its wonderful that I have gotten to know you as people, and not just my parents. I can't wait for all that we have left to learn about each other :)

Love, Your WhitBit

Saturday, February 26, 2011

YourCrush

Day 2 of the letter writing thing. Who says it had to be days right after each other!!

Dear Crush,
I have yet to meet you. I have this perfect guy for me list, that I'm sure you'll fit, and knowing God, you'll exceed the list. You'll be wonderful. You'll want to hang out when I'm feeling lazy. We'll go hiking some days, and take wonderful vacations all over the world, or have a great vacation at home. We'll have monster fights, I'll storm around, we'll make up. We'll go on this wonderful adventure of life together. We'll have kids, watching them grow. It'll be great. I can't wait to have an wonderful adventure with you.
Love, Whit

Friday, January 21, 2011

slacker

yay for stumble, best post ever is...

http://pass-forward.blogspot.com/2010/08/cure-for-bad-day.html

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day1:YourBestFriend

Dear Lord,
You are my favorite best friend. Everyone else has let me down at some point. Plus I talk to you to the most. Even more than my sister. You've always been there for me, and for that I would like to thank you for that.
Thanks for not being upset at me when I flake. Thanks for being consistent and not allowing me to wonder what you're thinking about me and whether or not you want to drop me from your life. My other friends don't measure up, but I try to share what you have taught me through our relationship.
You're the only thing I believe enough in to have inked onto my body. You'll never leave.
Love,
your daughter,
Whit

30 Day letter Challenge

Write a letter to each of the following:
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror