Kinda a Harry Potter induced post.... Yeah, I'm a nerd
I am predictable to an extent. When authors or directors or anyone that writes a story, i feel how they feel. I'm always for the good guy and against the bad guy. Two things this week has made me question that. J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter and Joss Whedon's Dollhouse.
In Harry Potter, it was chapter 33 of the 7th book. In this chapter, Harry has gone into a memory of the recently deceased Severous Snape. In this memory, Snape is going over his relationship with Lily Evans (Harry's deceased mother). From the time that he (Snape) met lily, you can hear the level of admiration through his memories. He truly cared for her. The love that Severous felt for Lily is what changed his life.
I feel that love is just that. Utterly and completely life changing. Kinda like in twilight where Carlisle tells Edward to be careful of having relations with Bella, and how it might change him. Then says that is already changed by his love for Bella.
On a separate point. I really want to go on the Amazing Race. Looked into it this afternoon and you need to be 21. So, forget looking forward to drinking when I'm 21, I'm going to be applying to the Amazing Race. :)
Back to love, I feel like that's how you become anew in your life. Through falling into love with God. There's a song that describe just that. A relationship with God that's based on God, not the semantics.
I got the lyrics off Air1.com (wonderful station BTW)
Jason Gray - More Like Falling in Love
Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be
(CHORUS)
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
It's gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
It's like I'm falling, oh
I'm falling in falling
It's like I'm falling
All relationships should be based on love. The different types of Love that C.S. Lewis wrote about. Your whole life should be about loving others.
Here's a challenge, Read 1 Corinthians 13 with your name in place of the word Love. Is it a true statement?
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
SummerLovin part 3
Baby Ducks at the Duck Pond
Two by two, hands of blue... B and I getting ready to seed and peel the roasted green chillies.
Hatch Green chillies are the only way to go!
Our bushel of green chillies getting roasted at good ol Walmart
SummerLovin part 2
Our Chillies before they are roasted
Forget poker night, this is the way to go! Rummykub with the guys!
I'm so sad I missed it :(
Penguin buddy!
Like my hat?
SummerLovin part 1
Being a bridesmaid at BB's wedding
Cutest puppy ever!! Great dane puppy
my friend's kitten puck
BABY TURTLE!! another friends back yard buddy
Gellin like a fellin!
SweetHomeAlabama
You know it's a bad week when I wind up watching Sweet Home Alabama on a Wednesday.
Sunday, Horrid Horrid migraine.
Monday, Migraine finally gone after a week
Tuesday, great day with B. Lot's of green chillies and fun.
Wednesday, Migraine again. Got bet from BB and then Sweet Home Alabama.
Oh, and by the way failed Calculus 2 this summer. For the second time. *Rolls eyes* Third time's a charm... right?
What's so bad about this week you might ask? Nothing, in and of itself. It's the roller coaster ride of emotions that I've been on recently. Better now than when school starts. I hope that everything is happening this week, rather than within the next 16 weeks.
School is going to be rough. But on the bright side, Math class will be easier this semester. Now I can focus.
I'm going to say it, I hope that I get A's. It's the first time I'm actually going to aim for that. I think that if I throw myself into school not as much drama will come into my life. That's what I'm hoping for. NO DRAMA!!
One can only hope...
Sunday, Horrid Horrid migraine.
Monday, Migraine finally gone after a week
Tuesday, great day with B. Lot's of green chillies and fun.
Wednesday, Migraine again. Got bet from BB and then Sweet Home Alabama.
Oh, and by the way failed Calculus 2 this summer. For the second time. *Rolls eyes* Third time's a charm... right?
What's so bad about this week you might ask? Nothing, in and of itself. It's the roller coaster ride of emotions that I've been on recently. Better now than when school starts. I hope that everything is happening this week, rather than within the next 16 weeks.
School is going to be rough. But on the bright side, Math class will be easier this semester. Now I can focus.
I'm going to say it, I hope that I get A's. It's the first time I'm actually going to aim for that. I think that if I throw myself into school not as much drama will come into my life. That's what I'm hoping for. NO DRAMA!!
One can only hope...
Sunday, August 15, 2010
WishRightNow
I'm going on a week now with a migraine everyday. It stinks. Yesterday was fairly bad, but once I took an oxycodone (not really supposed too...) it all got better. Today, I finally took an oxycodone and it's not helping. :( . I'm so tired, can't move my head, lights bug me, but I'm bored and have slept about the last 28 hours of my life. I'm finally going to go to the doctor tomorrow to get a pain meds shot tomorrow morning before work.
On the plus side, this has given me a lot of time to think.
Have you ever watched a movie that made you wish your life was just a little different? Not an 'that would be cool to do one day' but more a 'When can I fit it in to go do that?' Well, I watched a movie called white squall, thinking it was just going to be a feel good movie, and it totally wasn't. It made me realize that my goal of going off on my own for an adventure seem all the more real. Not so much, that would be cool, but I want to make this happen. Maybe eventually, or maybe my trip to Italy next summer will be enough of an adventure for me.
Another thing that has me thinking is that it's almost this fall, and I haven't made a goal list for this fall semester. I hate putting school stuff on this list, it's more of little, kinda stupid things. It feels good to accomplish. Like this summer, my goals were to make a lemon tart and learn how to longboard. It felt really good when I accomplished both of those. It also felt good that there was no school involved. Life is more than just school. Even in college.
So, I need to figure out little goals for this fall... Who knows what I'll come up with this week.
hope this migraine goes away.
On the plus side, this has given me a lot of time to think.
Have you ever watched a movie that made you wish your life was just a little different? Not an 'that would be cool to do one day' but more a 'When can I fit it in to go do that?' Well, I watched a movie called white squall, thinking it was just going to be a feel good movie, and it totally wasn't. It made me realize that my goal of going off on my own for an adventure seem all the more real. Not so much, that would be cool, but I want to make this happen. Maybe eventually, or maybe my trip to Italy next summer will be enough of an adventure for me.
Another thing that has me thinking is that it's almost this fall, and I haven't made a goal list for this fall semester. I hate putting school stuff on this list, it's more of little, kinda stupid things. It feels good to accomplish. Like this summer, my goals were to make a lemon tart and learn how to longboard. It felt really good when I accomplished both of those. It also felt good that there was no school involved. Life is more than just school. Even in college.
So, I need to figure out little goals for this fall... Who knows what I'll come up with this week.
hope this migraine goes away.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
WakaWaka
Things Learned today:
1) People ARE going to take advantage of you.
2) Never watch the Boy in the Striped Pajamas alone.
3) Don't call your mom when you're upset about a Holocaust film. Your sister says 'were you hoping for a happy ending?!'
4) If your mother puts the phone on speaker phone when you're having a melt down, promptly change topics so you don't sob to the entire car.
5) Exchange students scare easily. (My mother had just picked up the new one from the air port and was driving him home when I had my breakdown over speaker phone)
6) No matter how much I love having time to myself, Nothing compares to being with someone that will actually take are of YOU when you need it.
I'm so tired of friends only talking to you when you start the conversation. And not taking hints of 'I need a hug' to mean. I NEED A HUG ASAP.
wish people understood
1) People ARE going to take advantage of you.
2) Never watch the Boy in the Striped Pajamas alone.
3) Don't call your mom when you're upset about a Holocaust film. Your sister says 'were you hoping for a happy ending?!'
4) If your mother puts the phone on speaker phone when you're having a melt down, promptly change topics so you don't sob to the entire car.
5) Exchange students scare easily. (My mother had just picked up the new one from the air port and was driving him home when I had my breakdown over speaker phone)
6) No matter how much I love having time to myself, Nothing compares to being with someone that will actually take are of YOU when you need it.
I'm so tired of friends only talking to you when you start the conversation. And not taking hints of 'I need a hug' to mean. I NEED A HUG ASAP.
wish people understood
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
LittleWonders
This week has been an insane week. My emotions are WACKED! Stress from finals and friend drama is getting the best of me.
All week long I've been trying to figure out how I can fix all that is going on in my life. Trying to get it all together. On the radio today, I heard a song about God's love (That's what happens when you listen to KLove), and it was about how we don't have to keep trying to be perfect. It started me thinking that that's what I've been trying to do, be perfect. God is my live's curve. I don't even have to be above average to pass live. I've got the best grade a person can get. I've got the best reward too. heaven. :)
Which gets me on the thought process of, why am I trying to fix all this. I never can, and I never will.
So, I'm giving up. Officially. I'm giving up now. I'm going to give it to God. All of it.
A wise friend told me to accept it. Accept what I'm feeling. Whether good or bad. Maybe it's feelings for someone, or feelings against someone. God must have given me these feelings for a reason.
What I do with those feelings is a different matter all together. Do I act on them, cursing people, kissing others? Nope. Do I bottle them inside me till I drive myself crazy? Tried that, didn't work.
I've decided I'm just going to acknowledge them. Then just wait for God's perfect timing to play out.
Yeah, because patience is my strong suit...
All week long I've been trying to figure out how I can fix all that is going on in my life. Trying to get it all together. On the radio today, I heard a song about God's love (That's what happens when you listen to KLove), and it was about how we don't have to keep trying to be perfect. It started me thinking that that's what I've been trying to do, be perfect. God is my live's curve. I don't even have to be above average to pass live. I've got the best grade a person can get. I've got the best reward too. heaven. :)
Which gets me on the thought process of, why am I trying to fix all this. I never can, and I never will.
So, I'm giving up. Officially. I'm giving up now. I'm going to give it to God. All of it.
A wise friend told me to accept it. Accept what I'm feeling. Whether good or bad. Maybe it's feelings for someone, or feelings against someone. God must have given me these feelings for a reason.
What I do with those feelings is a different matter all together. Do I act on them, cursing people, kissing others? Nope. Do I bottle them inside me till I drive myself crazy? Tried that, didn't work.
I've decided I'm just going to acknowledge them. Then just wait for God's perfect timing to play out.
Yeah, because patience is my strong suit...
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Scream-TFK
I can't erase it anymore
It follows me everywhere I go
It's like a mask that I don't want to wear anymore
I think I've found a way to let it go
But it's still too soon to know for sure
I'd give everything I am
To just feel somethin'
Can you feel that?
Scream! When the pressure breaks me
When it's too hard to see
When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope
One more time
Scream! When the fire burns me
When it's hard to break free
When I feel like I'm standin' on the edge
Of it all this time
I can't suppress it anymore
Here it comes like a flood
Just like before, when it rains, it pours
And I don't want to swim anymore
I think I've found a way to let it go
I don't know, I've never felt this way before
But with everything I am, I just let go...
You make me wanna scream...
It's not a joke
I've felt as messed up as you do
I've felt the feelings you've been feeling
Been through the same things
You've been through
And I know how hard it is
To feel like you're all alone
We've all been given a second chance
But the chance is all our own
(It was right in front of me...)
It follows me everywhere I go
It's like a mask that I don't want to wear anymore
I think I've found a way to let it go
But it's still too soon to know for sure
I'd give everything I am
To just feel somethin'
Can you feel that?
Scream! When the pressure breaks me
When it's too hard to see
When I feel like I'm at the end of my rope
One more time
Scream! When the fire burns me
When it's hard to break free
When I feel like I'm standin' on the edge
Of it all this time
I can't suppress it anymore
Here it comes like a flood
Just like before, when it rains, it pours
And I don't want to swim anymore
I think I've found a way to let it go
I don't know, I've never felt this way before
But with everything I am, I just let go...
You make me wanna scream...
It's not a joke
I've felt as messed up as you do
I've felt the feelings you've been feeling
Been through the same things
You've been through
And I know how hard it is
To feel like you're all alone
We've all been given a second chance
But the chance is all our own
(It was right in front of me...)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
InsaneInTheMembrane
I'm going insane. Promise. The amount of mood swings I've had today is crazy. I want to blame it on being sick, or on finals, or even PMS, might be my medication. It might be all of the above. It might be a combinations of all things. Only God knows. I hope I get out of this Funk soon.
OH, by the way, really hate fake girls that are all about themselves. Plus, tired of them inviting themselves everywhere with me.
Forgot to list emotional turmoil above. i mean, in Calc 2 today I couldn't do anything! My teacher made the joke that my brain was coming back when I finally figured out 1+1=2. yeah, it was that bad.
Tomorrow WILL be better. I hope
OH, by the way, really hate fake girls that are all about themselves. Plus, tired of them inviting themselves everywhere with me.
Forgot to list emotional turmoil above. i mean, in Calc 2 today I couldn't do anything! My teacher made the joke that my brain was coming back when I finally figured out 1+1=2. yeah, it was that bad.
Tomorrow WILL be better. I hope
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
OneWays
Is my life like a one way road? Is it just me going to my destination with people merging on and off my one lane, one way road?
Now that one way street is including talking. I mean, loosing friends is one thing. Having them just stop talking to me is another thing. Hiding my heart in the Lord yadda yadda. It still hurts. A stopped talking to me, unless I make her talk to me. I'm so excited for school to start so I can meet some new people and not have to think about all this crap.
Today at work was humbling. I didn't know the answers to the questions, and so I felt like a total idiot. I mean, I'm the one that has the answers. It felt better when I went back and showed them how to do stuff. I'm not good not knowing things. Not looking forward to the rest of the semester of not knowing anything about it.
It took long enough, but I'm actually ready for school. I've got this group thing tomorrow, but I don't know if going will increase the drama and inner turmoil I feel, or help me be ok with everyone/everything again. I mean, will I want to stay in this group? or will I want to just give up?
I was talking to the old leader of the group and she's having a lot of trouble with the new leader too. Amazingly, having other people mad at the new leader doesn't help with my feelings one bit. Just because I'm right doesn't make me feel better. In this instance, I would rather be wrong.
Now that one way street is including talking. I mean, loosing friends is one thing. Having them just stop talking to me is another thing. Hiding my heart in the Lord yadda yadda. It still hurts. A stopped talking to me, unless I make her talk to me. I'm so excited for school to start so I can meet some new people and not have to think about all this crap.
Today at work was humbling. I didn't know the answers to the questions, and so I felt like a total idiot. I mean, I'm the one that has the answers. It felt better when I went back and showed them how to do stuff. I'm not good not knowing things. Not looking forward to the rest of the semester of not knowing anything about it.
It took long enough, but I'm actually ready for school. I've got this group thing tomorrow, but I don't know if going will increase the drama and inner turmoil I feel, or help me be ok with everyone/everything again. I mean, will I want to stay in this group? or will I want to just give up?
I was talking to the old leader of the group and she's having a lot of trouble with the new leader too. Amazingly, having other people mad at the new leader doesn't help with my feelings one bit. Just because I'm right doesn't make me feel better. In this instance, I would rather be wrong.
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