Becoming who you are: Mainstays

So, this week was full. But I'd like to think I've gotten the hang of my schedule. It only took 6 weeks.

I had three tests this week. One each in Diff Eq, Numerical analysis and transport. Needless to say I have been studying constantly for a week. I'm finally done, for tonight. So tonight, I have time to think. Time to breathe.

So what did I do? Assemble kits for middle schoolers with the BioMedical engineering Society. And you know what? It was fun. And I've realized how much more I fit in here than I do in any other classes. Its easy to talk to these people.

And I just found this post that I never finished. I don't quite remember what I was getting at either. LOL.

Carry me though: Superchick

So, forgot to let you know that there is something wrong with me. At the eye doctor this summer, they found a blind spot. But there was a chance that the test was wrong. So I finally went back for a different test that is better. And it turns out the test was correct, and the blind spot had gotten even bigger, and that it's not caused by my eyes. So it's all in my head. So again, back to problems with migraines. Something else to face.... blarg.

Set Fire to the Rain : Adele

What a week this has been, and next week is going to be much much worse.

Engineering is kicking my butt. Coke has become my major vice. So have mindless romance novels. I try to pick ones that do not involve much sex but sometimes, the kindle free ones are hard to judge until you are into them to much.

I fell like I should feel bad for reading these books. Like I'm somehow trying to fulfill some emotional need. I don't think that's what I'm doing though. I feel like I'm using it as an escape, not a replacement. An escape from the computer coding, from the endless homework. It's an escape from reality, not a fulfillment of an emotional need.

I can go without them, it just gets me farther behind in my homework to read other books, because I don't know how they end and will read them when I'm not supposed to be.

Life truly is complicated. Especially if you're trying to be Christ-like.

You know that girl that I've been ragging on for over a year. The one that hurt me and is now pregnant? I have this feeling like I need to apoligise. For talking bad about her those few times I let people pull me into gossiping, even if I felt it was just talking to a close friend about it. Now all my friends keep tabs on what's going on, feeling like they're helping me. Then they let me know what's going on. I don't want to know. I finally want to just walk away from it all. I realize now how messed up I've made it all. And yes, she just keeps appearing in my life, but it's my choice how I react to it all. Plus, I kinda feel for her.

In other news, the crazy other Whitney I work with made a dig at homeschooling yesterday, and when I said, what the heck, she stood by her point. It was horrible. It's so hard to not be a biotch to her. But I know I shouldn't. She is honestly pissing off everyone around though, not just me. I just have to tough it out. Our schedules worked out so that I only work with her once a week. But believe me, once a week is enough.

Med school students are absolutely crazy this semester, more than normal. I mean, who turns in their study aid an hour after they take it out and before they have the test? It's been an interesting class.

Next week I have 3 tests and 3 home-works at least. I'm no ready for it. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for those tests. But I must attempt it.

Do everything without complaining or arguing... Phil 2:14.

Here we go. If God is for us, who can be against us.

Pictures from the summer

Bring It -Cobra Starship

So, this week at school has been weird and horribly full. Good, but very full. I got to see friends that I had that moved on to their senior year while I stayed back a year. It was nice to be able to talk to them. It really made me realize what I've been missing for awhile. Not necessarily good friends, but people I feel comfortable talking to.

This guy Darhma and I had a good conversation while running samples through in lab for hours. And we've come to the conclusion that life isn't as full of choices, when you turn your emotions off. Yes, you read that right. Once you get into harder classes, you have no choices. You don't get to decide on whether or not you go to class, or if you want to do the homework, whether half butted or not. Your choice was 'I want to be an engineer' Once you get to these classes, you just turn off your mind of making choices, and all you think about is how you are going to get what you need to get done done.

Take this week for example. I spent from 5-12 Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday studying and doing homework. Not to mention working through my breaks, and getting up every morning at 6 to get more done before I headed to work.

It didn't kill me. I like to think I didn't complain much. I just did it. I did it because I've decided what I want to do and who I want to start to be. I've gone after it.

Psalms 138:8 The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures

forever--do not abandon the works of your hands.

Here I go again

Someone Like You - Adele

What a week.

-My old computer was finally deemed too old. That is to say, I finally figured out that I needed to update it. This was decided after it took 10 min to open a MatLab file. Yeah, considering almost all my homework is on matlab, livemath, or excel, I need a computer that works and won't take forever to do what I need to. So I researched, and went to best buy, then was told I needed to look at this particular pc, after a mac/pc debate with the cute sales guy, I picked up a computer that was on a school sale for $450. I decided to go ahead and get the one that had already been installed and had it's backup discs made. That was an extra $100. But I came home with a laptop and I've been messing with it all day setting it up and getting programs downloaded. Yay!

-Someone got pregnant. Do you guys remember last summer how a close friend of mine randomly stopped talking to me? I was really upset about this and have been trying to get over it, forgive and forget. It's been super rough because I'm so tired of opening myself up to people and being stabbed in the back. Anyways, she stared medical school and is now at my work everyday. Not a big deal, I've been able to avoid her and thoughts of her. Well, this past spring she got married to her bf that she's know since last July, and was engaged on her graduation day, then was married 3 weeks later. Now she's in her 2nd trimester. I'm torn because I'm kinda feeling like 'karma' has gotten her, but I know it's wrong for me to feel like that. I honestly just want to forget it all happened. But every time I try to, people bring her up. I guess it's life.

Other than those two things, I just had tons and tons of school work and homework. Oh yeah, my sister hurt her foot and she's on crutches. Joy.

Life is hard, but totally worth it.